Dear Friends in Christ,
I have become aware over the last 15-20 years how much less civil we have become in this culture and in the church as we discuss and debate issues. It disturbs my heart. I commented recently to a colleague that as I have attended annual conference and been a witness to the debate that ensues there, I have felt this strange mixture of feelings. Simultaneously I hold within me a) this sense of frustration that sounds like “oh no here we go again . . . same people, same arguments, same reasoning.” b) a feeling of entertainment because it’s like watching a play with all the characters taking on their usual parts . . . playing pre-determined roles, talking past each other; and c) yet another part of me observes all this very uncivil debate with a sense of horror and disgust at the vitriol and loathing that each side has for the other. This is what pains me the most and it goes on from either side of the debate. Where does this kind of behavior come from and why has it crept into the church. It is my belief that we have “conformed to the world” rather than be transformed by Christ. I think that we have adopted the methods and energy of our current political climate rather than listen to, be guided by and conduct ourselves in the manner of our Lord about how to be in relationship to each other.
What seems to happen both in the political arena and now for some time in the church is that we demonize the “other” in an attempt to dehumanize them and assign to them whatever negative attribute and label we can create. They become for us, at best the manifestation of Unchristian and at worst the personification of evil. Theologian Walter Wink suggests that when we use the same tactics toward those we oppose as they use upon us, that we in fact “become the very thing that we abhor”. So when we demonize and dehumanize the “other side”, we in fact have become demonic and inhuman.
The church has learned well from our country’s political process and leaders, over the last 15-20 years, how not to compromise, collaborate nor agree to disagree. Instead what we have modeled is a win-lose strategy where one side is right and the other side(s) are all wrong. Politically, in my opinion, we no longer care, believe in, nor display through our actions the larger communal concepts of “we the people . . . promoting the general welfare . . . providing for the common defense and securing the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity.” Anymore it is all about the individual, the almighty ME and the goal of MY SIDE winning. We act in this country and in the church as I have experienced it lately as if one side, namely the side to which we belong and relate to, has all the right answers and holds the correct ideology or theology. The other side has no endearing qualities or intrinsic value or worth. In short we (i.e. our side) doesn’t care what happens to you or your feelings (i.e. the other side) just as long as we win. There is less and less of an effort being made at listening to each other and possibly learning from each other, while we still hold strong to our beliefs, our views.
But it does not have to be this way! We have within our Christian tradition a document known as Holy Conferencing that has some very insightful guidelines. I would offer these guidelines as a model by which we can both “conference” together and also debate and discuss anything in nearly any setting. Here are the guidelines:
- Every person is a child of God. Always speak respectfully. One can disagree without being disagreeable.
- As you patiently listen and observe the behavior of others, be open to the possibility that God can change the views of any or all parties in the discussion.
- Listen patiently before formulating responses
- Strive to understand the experience out of which others have arrived at their views
- Be careful in how you express personal offense at differing opinions. Otherwise dialogue may be inhibited.
- Accurately reflect the views of others when speaking. This is especially important when you disagree with that position.
- Avoid using inflammatory words, derogatory names or an excited and angry voice.
- Avoid making generalizations about individuals and groups. Make your point with specific evidence and examples.
- Make use of facilitators and mediators
- Remember that people are defined ultimately, by their relationship with God . . . not by the flaws we discover, or think we discover, in their views and actions.
These are wonderful guidelines that I believe can guide our conferencing, our churches in the conduct of their life and mission and our individual lives and relationships. The document goes on to say “we believe Christians can discuss important issues without the acrimonious debate and parliamentary maneuvering that can divide a group into contending factions. We see too many examples of that in secular society . . . we can change the world through honest conversation on matters about which we are passionate.” This seems to me to be a better way to conduct ourselves as people and as Christians. If we would, as the church, begin to come together in this way . . . using these guidelines, we could be a strong, trusted voice of integrity and civility in a nation, a culture and a world that sorely needs it.
Yours in Christ,
Pastor Bruce McDaniel